Blood Promise Chapter Twenty-Two

I didnt cry actually often. And I hated it when I did. The last time Id done it around Dimitri, his arms had immediately encircled me. This time, all I got was a intent of moth-eatenness and anger.This is your fault he yelled, fists clenched.I cringed concealmentward, eyeball wide. dependable none he he attacked meYes. And Inna. A human You allow a human attack you. He couldnt note the sneer from his phonate. You are pale. You are incapable of defending yourself-all because you refuse to be evokeedHis voice was terrifying, and the look he gave me well, it s businessd me almost some(prenominal) than Nathan had. R to each oneing forward, he jerked me up to my feet.If you had just been killed, it would draw been your own fault, he state. His fingers dug into my wrist as he shake me. You endure the chance for immortality, for incredible vividness And youre too blind and stubborn to see it.I swallowed sticker more tears and rubbed my eyes with the back of my free hand. No doubt I was ruining the makeup Id so painstakingly put on.My join was ready to explode break of my chest, I was so afraid. I expected rage and threats from Nathan- entirely not Dimitri.Youve disregarded hes a Strigoi, something whispered in my mind.Id gone long decent without a modus operandie and had lavish epinephrine kicking me to alertness that my nagging voice was speaking more loudly than it had in a in truth long time. Dimitri verbalise I was weak because I wasnt Strigoi, except there was more to it than that. I was weak and had been subdued by Nathan and Inna because I was an addict, because I was living a life of blissful ignorance that was taking a toll on my proboscis and my mind. The conception was startling, and I could barely attain onto it. My yearning for vampire endorphins flared up, and the twain factions warred in my mind.I had enough sense not to voice any of those patterns. I tried for something that would alleviate Dimitri sort of. I dont thi nk Id be stronger than Nathan, even if I was turn-awakened.He ran a hand over my hair, his cold voice thoughtful. He seemed to be calming down, and his eyes were still angry and impatient. Perhaps not initially, just now your strength of body and will carries over with the change. Hes not that much older than either of us-not enough to make a noticeable difference, which is why he livelihoods backing down when we fight.Why do you keep backing down?I felt his body go rigid, and I realized my question capability be read as a slam against his prowess. I swallowed, my fear returning. He hadnt let go of my wrist, and it was starting to hurt.Because hes right astir(predicate) one thing, Dimitri said stiffly. Killing him would bring Galinas wrath down on us. And thats not something I can afford. to that degree.You said before that you that we had to kill her.Yes, and once we do, itll be easy to grab control condition of her assets and organization.What is her organization exactly? I f I kept distracting him, the anger major power go away. The monster index go away.He shrugged. All sorts of things. This wealth isnt bought without effort.Effort thats illegal and hurts worldly concern?Does it prefer?I didnt perturb with an answer. still Galina used to be your teacher. Can you really kill her? And I dont mean physically I mean, doesnt it b opposite you?He considered. I told you before. Its all about strength and weakness. Prey and predator. If we can bring her down-and I acquire no doubts we can -then shes prey. End of story.I shivered. It was so harsh, such a stark and chilling way of viewing the world. Dimitri released my wrist just then, and a wave of relief ran through me. On infirm legs, I backed up and sat on the couch. For a morsel, I feared hed grab me again, but instead he sat down beside me.Why did Inna attack me? Why did she defend Nathan?Because she loves him. Dimitri didnt bother hiding his disgust.But how?Who dwells? Part of it is that hes promised to awaken her once shes put in time here. Sydneys warnings came back to me, about why the Alchemists feared that humans would learn about vampires-because humans might deficiency to turn too. Thats what most of the human servants are told.Told? close to are un worth(predicate)y. Or, more often than not, someone gets hungry and finishes the human rancid.I was getting sick to my stomach, unconditional of Dimitris proximity. This is all a mess.It doesnt hold in to be. I didnt think he would shake me again, but there was a dangerous glint in his eyes. The monster was just a heartbeat away. Times running out. Ive been lenient, Roza. Far more lenient than I would be with anyone else.Why? Why start you done it? I cute-needed-then to hear him secernate it was because he loved me and that because of that love, he could never force me into anything I didnt expect. I needed to hear it so that I could blot out that terrifying, furious creature Id seen a few minutes ago.Becaus e I k this instant how you think. And I live awakening you of your own free will would make you a more weighty ally. Youre independent and strong-minded-thats what makes you valuable.An ally, huh?Not the woman he loved.He shifted so that his face hovered over mine. Didnt I sort out you once Id endlessly be there for you? Im here. Ill comfort you. Were deprivation to be together. Were meant to be together. You know this. on that point was more fierceness in his voice than affection.He kissed my lips, drawing me close. The usual heat flooded me, my body instantly responding to his. But even as my body did one thing, other thoughts were spinning through my mind. I had always thought we were meant to be together. And he had once told me hed always be there for me. Id always wanted that too-but I had wanted to be there for him in return. I wanted us to be equals, always watching each others backs.Today hadnt been standardized that. Id been defenseless. Weak. Never, never in my li fe had I been same that. plane in horrible, outmatched moments, Id put up a decent fight. At the very least, Id had the will to fight. Not now. Id been terrified. Id been ineffectual. I hadnt been able to do anything except sit there pathetically and wait for someone to rescue me. Id let a human get the best of me.Dimitri said me becoming Strigoi was the solution. For the last week, hed said that over and over, and opus I hadnt agreed to it, I hadnt been as repulsed as I once had been. Lately, it had be sustain a thought floating around out there, a far-off way for us to be together. And I did want to be together, especially in moments care this, when we kissed and commit crackled around both of us.But this time the desire wasnt quite as intense as usual. It was still there, but I couldnt shake the image of how hed just been. It occurred to me with startling clarity that I was making out with a Strigoi. And that was weird.Breathing heavy, Dimitri pulled away from my lips for a moment and stared at me. blush with that composed Strigoi expression, I could see that he wanted me-in a lot of ways. It was confusing. He was Dimitri and not Dimitri. Leaning back down, he kissed my cheek, then my chin, and then my neck. His mouth opened wider, and I started to experience the points of his fangsNo, I blurted out.He froze. What did you say? My heart started thumping again, as I braced myself for more rage.Um no. Not this time.He pulled back and looked at me, seeming both shocked and annoyed. When he didnt respond, I began to ramble.I dont liveliness good Im hurt. Im afraid to lose the blood, even though I want Dimitri always said I couldnt lie to him, but I had to try. I put on my best, most passionate and innocuous face. I want it I want to regain the bite but I want to emit first, get strongerLet me awaken you, and youll be strong again.I know, I said, still keeping my voice slightly frantic. I looked away, hoping to increase the facade of confusion. Okay, w ith my life lately, faking confusion wasnt that hard. And Im starting to thinkI hear a sharp intake of breath. Starting to think what?I turned back to him, hoping I could dispose him I was disadvantageously considering turning. Im starting to think that I dont ever want to be weak again.I could see it in his face. He believed me. But then, that last part hadnt been a lie. I didnt want to be weak.Please I just want to nap. I need to think about it a shortsighted more.There it was, the moment this all weighed on. The truth was, I wasnt just lying to him. I was lying to myself. Because seriously? I wanted that bite. Badly. Id already gone a long time without one, and my body was screaming for it. I needed the endorphins, needed them more than air or food. And yet, in only one day without them, Id gained a tiny shard of clarity. The part of me that wanted nonentity more than the joy of ignorant ecstasy didnt care about my mind growing clearer, yet I knew, deep inside, that I had to try for a little bit more, even if it meant depriving myself of what I most wanted.After a lot of thought, Dimitri nodded and stood up. Hed read my words like Id reached a turning point and was on the verge of accepting. Rest, then, he said. And well talk later. But Rose we only have two days.Two days?Until Galinas deadline. Thats how long she gave us. Then I make the decision for you.Youll awaken me? I wasnt entirely certain(p) if death was on the table anymore.Yes. Itll be better for all of us if we dont reach that point. He got off the bed and stood up. He paused a moment and reached into his pocket.Oh. I brought you this.He transfer me a bracelet encrusted with opals and tiny diamonds, almost like it was no big deal. The bracelet was dazzling, and each opal shone with a thousand colors. Wow. Its its gorgeous. I slipped it on my wrist, yet somehow, gifts like this didnt mean as much anymore.With a satisfied look, he leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. He headed for the door then and left me lying back against the couch, trying desperately to think of anything else except how I wished he would turn around and bite me.The rest of the day was agonizing.Id always read about addicts, about how hard a time batch had rupture away from alcohol or illegal drugs. Id even once witnessed a feeder go configuration of crazy when he was removed from service. Hed grown too old, and it was considered hazardous to his health to keep on broad blood to Moroi. Id watched in amazement as he begged and pleaded to be allowed to stay, how hed sworn he didnt mind the risk. Even though Id known he had an addiction, I just couldnt understand why it would be so worth it for him to risk his life like that. Now I did.In those hours that passed, I would have risked my life to be bitten again. That was actually kind of funny because if I did allow another bite, I would be risking my life. I had no doubt more of that cloudy view would lead to an acceptance of Dimitris offer. But with each miserable, bite deprive second that passed, my thoughts grew incrementally sharper. Oh, I was still a long way away from being free of the dreamy haze of vampire endorphins. When wed been captured in Spokane, Eddie had been used as a Strigoi blood source, and it had taken him days to recover. to each one bit of clarity now made me realize how important it was for me to stay bite free. Not that that knowledge made it any easier on my body.I had some serious problems here. It seemed like either way, I was apprenticed to become a Strigoi. Dimitri wanted to turn me so that we could reign together as the vampiric equivalent of bonnie and Clyde. Nathan wanted to turn me in the hopes of hunting down Lissa-and then kill me. Clearly, Dimitris option was more appealing, but not by much. Not anymore.Yesterday, I would have said becoming a Strigoi was something I wasnt tone ending to worry about too much. Now, the harsh reality of what it truly meant hit me, and my old fee lings returned. Suicide versus reality as a creature of evil. Of course, being a creature of evil meant I could be with Dimitri overleap it wasnt Dimitri. Was it? It was all so confusing. I again tried to remind myself of what hed said long ago-that no outcome how much a Strigoi seemed like the person I used to know, they werent. Yet this Dimitri said hed been wrong about that.Its the endorphins, Rose. Theyre like drugs I groaned and interred my face in my hands as I sat on the couch, the TV droning in the background. Lovely. I was talking to myself now.Supposing I could break this hold Dimitri had over me and this lost state that kept making me think Id misunderstood Strigoi well, then what? I was back to the original dilemma. No weapons to fight Strigoi with. No weapons with which to kill myself. I was back at their mercy, but at least now I was closer to putting up a good fight. Sure, it would be a losing fight, but I felt that if I stayed off the endorphins a little longer, Id at least be able to take down Inna. That had to count for something.And there it was. Off the endorphins. Each time my mind ran through my options and hit a wall, I would spiral back to the physical reality in front of me. I wanted that proud back. I wanted that haze of joy back. I needed it back, or surely, I would die. That would be what killed me and freed me from being a StrigoiDamn itI stood up and began pacing around, hoping to distract myself. TV wasnt doing it that was for sure. If I could just hold out a little longer, I could shake the drug from my system, I could figure out how to make it myself and Lissa, and LissaWithout any debate, I dove into her. If I was in her body and mind, then maybe I wouldnt have to deal with mine for a while. My withdrawal would pass more quickly.Lissa and her group had returned from theRoyal Courta bit more grimly than they arrived. The cold light of morning had made Lissa feel incredibly pathetic about the partys events. Dancing on a t able wasnt the worst thing in the world, but look back over other parties shed been to that weekend and her social life with Avery made her wonder what had gotten into her. Sometimes, she didnt even feel like herself. And the kiss with Aaron well, that was an entirely different guilt-inducing matter altogether.Dont worry about it, Avery told her on the plane. We all do obtuse stuff when were drunk.Not me, groaned Lissa. This isnt like me. Despite this claim, Lissa had nonetheless agreed to drink mimosas-champagne mixed with orangish juice-on the ride back.Avery smiled. I dont have anything to compare it to. You seem okay to me. But then, you arent trying to run off with a human or some non-royal guy.Lissa smiled back, and her eyes went to Jill, sitting a little ahead of them on the plane. Adrian had spoken to the younger girlfriend earlier, but she was busy with a book now, her biggest concern seeming to be to stay away from Reed. He sat with Simon again, and Lissa was a little surprised to see the guardian eyeing Jill suspiciously. by chance Reed had told Simon that the younger girl was some kind of threat.Youre in a bad way(p) about her? asked Avery, following Lissas gaze.Its not that I just cant shake the way she looked at me last night.Shes young. I think shes easily shocked.Lissa supposed that was true. Yet young or not, there had been something refreshingly clear and honest in the way Jill had called Lissa out. It reminded Lissa of something I might do. And Lissa couldnt rest easy knowing someone like that thought badly of her. Lissa stood up.Ill be right back, she told Avery. Im release to talk to her.Jill was obviously astonished when Lissa sat beside her. The younger girl put a bookmark in what she was reading, and whatever she might be feeling, her smile for Lissa was genuine. Hey.Hey, said Lissa. She hadnt had much of the mimosa yet and still controlled enough spirit to see Jills aura. It was a rich teal blue, interspersed with purple and da rker blue. Good, strong colors. Look, I wanted to pardon for what happened last night what I saidOh, said Jill flushing. Its okay, really. I mean, things were kind of crazy, and I know you werent thinking flat. At least, I dont think you were. I dont really know. Ive never actually had a drink, so I cant say. Jills nervousness always seemed to make her oscillate between rambling and silence.Yeah, well, I should have been thinking straight before I got in that situation. And Im really sorry for what happened with Reed. Lissa lowered her voice. No clue what happened there but that wasnt right, what he did and said to you.Both girls found themselves studying him. He was deep in a book, but perfectly, as though he could sense them watching, his gaze turned toward Jill and Lissa. He glared, and they immediately looked away.That definitely wasnt your fault, said Jill. And, you know, Adrian was there and everything. So it turned out okay.Lissa worked to keep a straight face. Adrian was sitting out of their view, but if he hadnt been, Lissa had a feeling Jill would have been gazing at him dreamily. Adrian was doing a good deal of gazing of his own at Avery lately, and Lissa could see Jill was never going to leave that little-sister role for him. Yet it seemed clear that Jill was developing a little bit of a crush. It was cute, and even though Lissa knew it was stupid on her part, she couldnt help feeling a bit of relief that Adrian was the object of Jills affections and not Christian.Well, heres hoping for better choices, said Lissa. And hoping no one thinks too badly of me.I dont, said Jill. And Im sure Christian wont either.Lissa frowned, confused for a moment. Well theres no point in stressing him out over it. It was my stupid mistake Ill deal with it.Now Jill frowned. She hesitated before speaking, that old nervousness returning. But you have to. You have to tell him the truth, right?Its no big deal, said Lissa, surprised at how defensive she on the spur of the moment felt. That unpredictable anger started to raise its head.But you guys are in a serious relationship You have to always be honest, dont you? I mean, you cant lie to him.Lissa rolled her eyes. Jill, you havent been in a serious relationship either, have you? Have you even gone on one date? Im not lying to him. Im just not telling him stuff thats going to freak him out for no reason. Its not the same.It is, argued Jill. I could tell how much it killed her to talk back to Lissa, but I admired her boldness. He has a right to know.Lissa sighed irritably and stood up. swallow it. I thought we could have an adult conversation, but apparently not. The withering look she gave Jill made the girl flinch.Still, back at the Academy, guilt plagued Lissa. Christian greeted her return happily, showering her with kisses and hugs. She firmly believed Jill had overreacted, yet each time Lissa looked at Christian, she kept thinking about that kiss with Aaron. Was it as wrong as Jill had implied ? It had been casual and under the fix of alcohol. Lissa knew telling Christian would upset him, though, and she hated to bring that on. Avery, listening as Lissa deliberated, agreed that there was no need to worry about it. Yet, as I looked at her through Lissas eyes, my impression was that Avery was more worried about what Lissas emotional reaction would be if she and Christian had a blowout. The morals seemed beside the point Avery wanted to protect Lissa.It seemed like it was all going to blow over until later in the day, when Lissa met up with Christian to walk of life to dinner. His face was a storm cloud as he approached Lissa in her dorms lobby, his pale blue eyes looking like they could shoot lightning bolts.When were you going to tell me? he demanded. His voice was loud, and several passing people turned in surprise.Lissa hurried him to a corner, pitching her voice low. What are you talking about?You know what Im talking about. You using your weekend getaway as a chance to hook up with other guys.She stared at him for several heavy seconds. Then the truth hit. Jill told youYes. I had to drag it out of her. She showed up to exert with me and was on the verge of tears.Uncharacteristic anger suddenly burned through Lissa. She had no rightYou had no right. Do you honestly think you could do something like that-without ever letting me know?Christian, it was a stupid drunk kiss, for Gods sake. A joke because he saved me from falling off a table. It meant nothing.Christians face grew pensive, and Lissa thought for sure he was about to agree with her. It would have been nothing, he said at last, if youd told me yourself. I shouldnt have had to hear it from someone else.Jill--isnt the problem. You are.Shock stunned Lissa for a moment. What are you saying?I Christian suddenly looked weary. He rubbed his eyes. I dont know. Its just things have been rough lately. I just Im just not sure if I can deal with all this. You were picking fights with me before you l eft, and now this?Why wont you listen? It was nothing Even Avery agreed.Oh, said Christian sarcastically, if Avery agreed, then it must be okay.Lissas temper raised its ugly head. Whats that supposed to mean? I thought you liked her.I do. But I dont like how youre confiding in her more than me lately.You didnt have a problem with me confiding in Rose.Averys not Rose.ChristianHe shook his head. Look, I dont really want to go to dinner anymore. I just need to think.When am I going to see you again? she asked frantically. Her anger had been supplanted by fear.I dont know. Later.He left without another word. Lissa stared subsequently him, aghast as he walked out of the lobby. She wanted to go throw herself at him, beg him to come back and forgive her. There were too many people around, however, and she refused to make a scene-or intrude on his space. Instead, she took off to the only resource she had left Avery.Didnt expect to see you again, Avery said, opening the door to her room. Wh at are you-Jesus Christ. Whats the matter?She ushered Lissa in and demanded the story. With a lot of tears and near-hysteric rambling, Lissa related what had happened with Christian. And I dont know what he meant. Does he want to break up? Will he come talk to me later? Should I go to him? Lissa buried her face in her hands.Oh God. You dont think theres anything going on with him and Jill, do you?Jailbait? No, exclaimed Avery. Of course not. Look, you need to calm down. Youre freaking me out. This is going to be okay. Anxiety lined Averys face, and she went to get Lissa a glass of water. Then, reconsidering, she poured a glass of wine instead. seated alone, Lissa felt her wild emotions torment her. She hated what shed done. She felt like there was something wrong with her. First shed confused me, and now Christian. Why couldnt she keep her friends? What did it take? Was she really going crazy? She felt out of control and desperate. And she BamSuddenly, and without warning, I was sh oved out of Lissas head.Her thoughts disappeared completely. Id neither left of my own choice, nor had I been snapped back because of something in my own body. I stood in the room alone, having come to a standstill while pacing and thinking. Never, never had anything like that happened to me. This had been like well, like a physical force. Like a glass wall or force topic slamming down in front of me and pushing me back. It had been an outside power. It hadnt come from me.But what was it? Had it been Lissa? To my knowledge, shed never been able to feel me in her head. Had that changed? Had she kicked me out?Had her spinning feelings grown so strong that there was no room for me?I didnt know, and I didnt like any of it. When it had happened, aside from the sensation of being pushed, Id experienced another strange feeling.It was like a fluttering, as if someone had reached in and tickled my mind. Id had brief warm and cold flashes, and then it had all stop once I was out of her head. It had felt invasive.And it had also felt familiar.